PDX-Tveid-Pavilion: 2013

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed much to my dismay, a colony of yellow jackets had established itself in the back yard. The clever, industrious insects had found a perfect location in the ground at the base of the bamboo cluster. This particular spot afforded them a maximum amount of warmth from the sunlight, even though now the sun is getting quite low in the sky. The overhanging bamboo created a natural awning to deflect rain (which there has been very little of) and a thin layer of fallen bamboo leaves covered the entrance hole leading to the yellow jacket's subterranean nest. Unfortunately this location happened to be right next to a stretch of grass that still requires mowing at this time of year. It was while doing this that I first noticed the nest. Luckily for me, the population was still relatively small at the time, but the insects still made their presence known by buzzing around my head. I was able to finish the mowing and retreat before getting stung, still not totally sure if I'd come across an actual nest. I kept my eye on that area and by the following week, it was obvious that there was in fact a colony and it had grown rapidly. Yellow jackets were pouring in and out in a constant stream, from their hidden entrance under the leaves. Several years ago, I'd dealt with a nest that was located very close to this one. In that case though, the entrance wasn't constructed beneath leaves, so I was able to deliver an effective dose of poison during the night. Even then, it was still risky because looking straight down onto the hole with a flashlight, I could see a few yellow jackets positioned for sentry duty, staring up at me. I quickly dumped a container of diazinon right onto them and the entrance hole. Within a day, all activity had ceased. Problem solved. With this new situation though, I couldn't be sure where the entrance was located without first raking bamboo leaves out of the way, which would seriously compromise any element of surprise, along with my own safety. I mulled over the tactical challenges for a few days, while observing the yellow jacket traffic increase even more, as the grass grew taller. Last Friday night, I decided (unwisely) to soak the area with some store-bought yellow jacket / wasp spray. I waited until just after midnight and approached the nest with spray can in one hand and a red-bulb flashlight in the other. (According to the internets, yellow jackets can't see into the red spectrum.) I'd made sure that there were no other visible light sources from within the house and I left the patio door open in case I needed to get back inside quickly. This plan was doomed to fail from the start. The weak, red flashlight didn't help much in my trying to locate the general area where the entrance hole was concealed. All I could do was begin spraying onto what I hoped was the approximate area. A few seconds later, I heard buzzing sounds and felt winged insect bodies literally bouncing off my face. I began backing up quickly toward the direction of the patio door. I turned sideways and in the dark, my foot caught the edge of the cement patio slab. The next thing I knew, I was going down. I sprawled hard onto the patio, my head barely missing the edge of the brick platform that the outdoor fire-burner sits on. My left elbow jammed sharply up into the side of my ribs and in the process, the knuckles of my right hand took a good skinning. With the wind knocked out of me, I got up as quickly as I could and retreated into the house. Amazingly, I wasn't stung once, but I was bleeding and feeling some considerable pain from the fall that I took.

Pavilion Guard - 0
Yellow Jackets - 1

The next day, I observed the yellow jacket colony traffic was as active as ever. Maybe even more. The last straw was getting a visit from the next door neighbor who said that a young child had been badly stung from "the yellow jacket nest on YOUR side of the fence" and that someone else had required an emergency room visit, due to the stings. I apologized profusely and promised I'd deal with the yellow jackets. I Googled pest exterminators and found a guy who came over last weekend. For $125.00, he took care of the problem. He arrived with a full bee-keeper's suit and utilized a metal probe that delivered a neurotoxin straight down into the heart of the yellow jacket colony. While he was working, I watched from the bedroom window and was chilled by the size of the pissed-off swarm that spewed out of the ground like water from a garden hose. His bee-suit was covered with yellow jackets, trying to sting him. One thing I found interesting was the exterminator deployed a white powder rather than any kind of spray. Whatever it was, it worked well. While writing the check, the exterminator guy said to me: "I don't mean to offend you as a customer, but what you tried to do last night with that spray can was really dumb. That was a huge nest I just killed and you could have been badly stung, even at night. Sure, there's lots of redneck solutions on Youtube and such, but yellow jacket nests aren't anything to fool around with, since they can kill people, even people who aren't allergic, because each individual yellow jacket can sting 6-7 times before they deplete their venom. Multiply that by hundreds and there ya' go."

The score has been settled. For now.